oh shit....

i think someone hacked my blog.

someone changed parts of my last entry.

you better not let me find out who u r coz i'm definitely going to the police if i know who did this.

loving you ~ loving me

yesterday my sister was talking about how similar i am with her boyfriend.

we both have the middle child syndrom 

(i guess she came up with that by herself)

USUALLY middle child are more rebellious than the other children.

coz if you're the first child,

you're like the new thing in the family.

first born.

get to take more pictures,

new stuff...

then if u're the middle child,

u usually get hand-me-downs.

u're sibling's stuff.

and u're parents are probably tired of being so loving and caring to the first child,

u'd get less attention.

yeah, people say it's bullshit,

that parents always love their children equally as much,

or they try to.

but that's what i think,

from a middle child's point of view.

especially when all your siblings are of the same gender.

i guess there always are exceptions,

like if ur last sibling is less lovable than you.

if you're as lovable,

u'd probably get loved less.

then if you're the last child,

you usually get more pampering.

coz usually there's this gap in the ages between u an dur older siblings.

you are more vulnerable coz u're juz sooo young and small and vulnerable to your parents.

and they'd probably have more time for you.

so, if you're the first child,

you're probably independent and more mature in ur thinking.

hence,

you'd think that people are childish not because u're rude,

but juz coz u're born into the situation that you have to be matured.

so you can't see why people would think like they do.

you'd have to be the guinea pig of your siblings,

venture into unknown waters,

not because you want to,

but you have to.

parents' opinions are not always helpful coz they simply live in a different era.

if you're the middle child,

you'd be more dependent.

less matured in thinking coz you'll always have the older sibling to ask for opinions.

(unless your older sibling is not matured at all)

even if you don't ask,

if they know where you're headed,

they'd juz give them to you.

if you're the last child,

people would think that you're the most childish,

as in less matured in thinking,

but no. especially if you're siblings are more than 5 years older than you.

you have to go through life in a diff way than your siblings.

it's like the parents opinion thing.

5 years is a lot of change.

so last childs usually are independent and matured too.

unless the parents' really don't wanna let you go and learn.

i guess if i get to choose who to fall in love with,

i wouldn't choose a middle child.

it would be like 爱你就等于爱自己。

phrase of the post

est-ce que je t'aime? (pronounced ass-ke je t-a[like ass]m)?

do i love you?

that's what J_Fish has to say~ Au Revoir~

dream destination

there's so many places that i wish i am right now.

anywhere but HERE.

i mean now, in this situation,

with those problems and exams...

this is not where i would dream of getting.

like always,

i would choose to run away.

if it wasn't for the economic crisis in my bank account,

i would juz pack my bags and run away to pangkor,

even if it meant i have to go alone,

but it wouldn't be the same without my babes would it?

i wish we could go back to the past when we were doing the survey for cc trip in pangkor.

missed the bike trip and the last minute decided stay.

missed the hot scorching sun combined with the nice sea breeze.

even though we were tired, we enjoyed it.

look at the colour of the sky and the sea...

i guess the key to enjoying your vacation,

is not where you go,

but who you go with.

dream destination?

a place where the past and future collide

and make present possible.

of course, 

another trip back to Pangkor or Redang with ya'll would be great.

but if we're gonna go to Redang,

we need to act fast.

heard selina said that it's gonna become a very expensive place to visit.

CC trip wasn't as fun as the survey trip.

when we have reaponsibility,

a vacation could never be fun.

wished you were there, voon, susan, pei yee, ee and ming.

can we go on another trip together before we graduate and go our own ways?

leave some footprints in our memories.

been following Project alpha.

ya'll can find out what it is and the other videos.

i've attached a link on the right side of my blog.

phrase of the post:

je voudrais des vacances!! (pronounced je voo-d-ray day vaa-con-ss) 

i want some holidays!!!

that's what J_Fish want's to say~ Au Revoir~

Project Alpha Season 2 is presented by Adidas Action 3 and supported by P1 and MAStraveller.com

underground stuff

not me. 

kuo ning said that there are some problems with the underground cables for the internet system.

so if ur line is killing you,

you are not alone.

got stuck in college without internet connection after i posted the last post.

went out for dinner with selina, shiah, foong and soon loong.

when i got back 

NO INTERNET CONNECTION!!

FML....

internet IS my life.

susan and voon were trying to talk to me about my blog entry 

bout comparing them to selina and shiah

and bout next year's roommie thing i guess

when we were going out to eat.

so i asked them to read my blog.

when i came back voon was not in the room,

no internet connection.

talk about BTD..

bored to death..

so i tried to go to sleep.

put on some lip butter 

and it made me feel worse.

like i mentioned before,

my lip butter reminds me of France.

so it made me miss France a lot.

my plan to fall asleep didn't work.

either it's coz i was wondering what they thought after they read my blog

(voon disappearing)

or it was the lemon tea that i drank during dinner.

went to talk to Jason coz he's the only person who was not studying nor sleeping.

tried to talk to selina and shiah when we came back from dinner but they seemed very busy studying.

the talk with Jason helped a lot.

i guess he's the only one who understands how i feel coz he kinda got friend issues to before this.

he made me changed my mind bout leaving.

i've decided to stay.

this morning my sis called 

and she made me wanna move out again

coz i told her about how i felt and

it reminded me of the reason i wanna move out in the first place.

but then,

i guess i'm gonna stay. 

not with any of my babes.

i still need to learn to live without them.

i was thinking bout last year,

when i didn't stayed so close to them.

we were closer as a group.

maybe ya'll don't see it,

but i see it.

now,

the 5 of us are 2 groups.

and i'm the odd one out who needs to choose.

if only you spend more time together.

i guess distance is a good thing for me.

so many problems so little time

stupid problems surface during exam time.....

first,

there's this stupid guy who can never get the meaning

until i finally can't stand it anymore,

i have to make him understand using BLOCK LETTERS.

why is it so hard to understand that when a person blocks you from something,

it simply means 

FUCK OFF!!!

i don't care what you think about me and my problems.

you're not suppose to read about them anyway.

why the heck did you decide to read my blog in the first place?

get the fuck away from me.

i seriously feel threatened and stalked even though you don't mean to do so.

so stop whatever kindness that you're showing and go away.

PLEASE.

self-defense is NOT being stubborn.

i have my right to protect myself when i feel insecure.

i didn't want to blog about this

but i really can't stand it anymore.

even after the messages.

i'm sorry if i hurt you but that's what happens when you refuse to understand what is clearly told to you.

YOU DESERVED IT!!!

then there's this stupid looking for house/roommies problem.

the main reason i want to move out is that i'm sick with hanging on to my friends.

ppl disappoint us once in awhile and we can't blame them.

since i can do nothing about it,

i choose to run away.

and i have to learn to be independent anyway.

i'll have to move out after i graduate like it or not.

so what's the big deal of doing it earlier?

i have to learn how to survive without clinging on to my friends.

obviously they can live without me,

but i can't.

friends can simply affect my emotions when nothing else can.

(other than family who's so far away right now.)

i have to learn to live without them killing me first,

and the only way is to be away from them.

i can't let my friends control my emotions anymore.

like Steve Job (Chief executive officer and co-founder of Apple Computer and of Pixar Animation Studios) said, "life is short, don't live the life of others." 

in other words, don't let others control your life.

i'm trying really hard to not let others affect me,

but it's gonna take more than a few days.

i need time and space.

that's wat J_Fish has to say~ Au Revoir~